The end of a relationship usually isn’t easy. Even if you know it wasn’t working and that something needs to change, there is still sadness and grief that comes with the process. You entered into something in the hopes it would make your life better… and maybe it did for a period of time but now it has come to an end.
There is lots of advice out there from dating coaches saying that the best way to move on is to find someone else, even when you are still hung up on the person you just broke up with. Today I’d like to share with you a different perspective.
While I don’t believe that you need to stay single for forever and that you shouldn’t move on, I do believe that if you are feeling sad and heartbroken, simply moving on to another relationship is NOT the best thing for you. There is healing that needs to occur before you are truly ready to open yourself up to another relationship.
When you quickly move on to someone new, hoping to erase that certain someone from your heart and your mind, you haven’t allowed yourself to process your thoughts and emotions over what just happened. It is through that processing and reflection that both growth and healing occur.
When you are still in the hurt of the breakup, you are not emotionally ready to open yourself up in a healthy way to someone new. You will likely either attract someone similar to the person who just broke your heart or it is even possible you will find someone who will sense that you are in an emotionally fragile state and take advantage of you.
As an example from my own love history, 10 years ago, when I broke up with my last boyfriend, there was a tremendous amount of hurt because he had rejected me for being “too much” emotionally. That was a very hard thing for me to be told by someone who I had trusted my heart with. That was just one area that I needed to heal before I could move on to someone new. In addition, I needed to spend time reflecting on what I had learned about what I did and did not want from that relationship. If I had not done that, it would have been much more likely that I would have attracted another partner to repeat the same patterns with me. The clarity I gained about what qualities are ideal for me in a partner were invaluable.
On the flip side, however, completely closing down to the world and to new possibilities after a breakup is also not healthy. Yes, you may be sad and feel like you will never find someone who will truly be the amazing romantic partner that you long for but if you completely close down and lock into those thoughts, you also are not working through your healing process.
My suggestion for those of you who are going through a breakup are to take some time to just be with your feelings. Allow yourself to be sad, angry, hurt, or whatever else you are currently feeling. Emotions need to be felt, in order to be released. Get support from a professional like a therapist or a healer if you feel like you are having a hard time working through those emotions.
In addition, take time to reflect on what lessons you learned from this relationship. What worked for you about this particular partner (qualities, behaviors, attributes) and what did not? Did you learn any new insights about what you most need from a romantic partner and what you absolutely cannot tolerate? When you are more healed and ready, those insights will help you move forward on the path to finding the right partner for you.
Do you have any other ways that help you work through a breakup or heartbreak? Share them below.
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Do you find it difficult to trust your romantic partner? Are you always second guessing whether he is really telling you the truth about things (big and small)? Do you find it difficult to open yourself up and be vulnerable? If so, this post is for you!
In the very beginning of a relationship, I would say proceeding with caution is wise. A new love interest needs to earn your trust and, when you don’t really know him yet, he hasn’t had a chance to prove himself to you.
However, once you have moved to a stage where you are exclusive and committed to each other, trust should be building and developing and you should not constantly be worrying that he is lying to you or that you are not safe to start opening up in deeper ways.
If you do find that you struggle with trust issues, working through them and getting support is an important part of being able to develop a deeper relationship. Continually acting like you do not trust the man you are with will likely eventually drive him away.
Here are 3 strategies for beginning to work through trust issues:
1) Spend some time reflecting on the roots of your mistrust. Journaling about this can be helpful.
Consider the following: Are you mistrustful of this particular man or have you been mistrustful in all of your past relationships? Are there particular things that trigger your feelings of distrusting him? If so, how likely is it the things you are worried about true? Has he really given you grounds to believe he is not being truthful? What would a good and trustworthy friend say about your concerns?
If you notice this that trust issues are a theme for you, getting support to work through the deeper issues that are causing you to not trust anyone might be necessary. If you haven’t noticed mistrust in past relationships, perhaps your intuition is trying to tell you something about this particular situation. In that case, proceeding with caution might be wise.
2) If you noticed a theme of mistrust in many past relationships, seek professional support. This can come in the form of talk therapy or something like an energy medicine like BodyTalk.
I have supported many clients by using BodyTalk to work through underlying trust issues that come from past relationship hurts (whether in family relationships or romantic ones) so that they can release those fears that come around trust and being hurt and be more ready to open to love. The awesome thing about working with an energetic approach is it gets to the roots of the issue and removes the charged energy from your body, mind, and spirit.
3) Talk to your partner openly about your concerns. If you have reflected on the roots of your mistrust and find this is a big pattern for you, telling your partner about this and that you are planning on seeking support to work through the issue can be important. He likely is noticing your distrust of him and if you don’t discuss this topic openly, there is likely an elephant in the room between you which can drive you further apart.
Talking about your concerns is also a great initial step of being vulnerable on your part.
Still feeling like you could use more support around this issue? Check out my new FREE 30 minute strategy session call and see how I can help you move forward!
With so much focus from the outside world about finding love, being in relationship, and “happily ever after” type images plastered everywhere, it can feel difficult to those of us who aren’t in relationship…
As Valentine’s Day approaches, it can feel even more difficult to feel happy and complete if you are single.
As someone who was single for many, many years (last year, it was 9 years since I was in a committed relationship), I can sympathize with those of you who are feeling like society makes you feel “less than” for being alone. Luckily, I had always had a deep belief that it is better to be alone than in a bad relationship… But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t still feel lonely and long for something different.
This was a time of the year that felt particularly difficult for me… Valentine’s Day always felt like a big cultural statement about how socially valued being in a romantic relationship was. Not being in relationship as couples were going out to dinner, guys were sending their girlfriends or wives chocolate and flowers and everything love was shoved in my face often left me feeling depressed… In the week leading up to the big day, dread would grow in my heart and mind.
My experience of Valentine’s Day began to change last year, when I changed the name for myself to “Love Day” and decided to show myself the sort of love and affection that I hoped to someday receive from a partner. I also focused on spreading love to all those important people in my life- family and friends, as well as leaving notes around public places on post-it notes saying things like “You are amazing!” and “You are beautiful”. I felt love growing inside my heart and expanding outward to others.
For the first time in my life, I actually ENJOYED Valentine’s Day because I just felt love of myself and love of those around me! It felt like a powerful transformation and shift in my life and part of my own journey to be ready for love.
So if you struggle with the Valentine’s Day blues, remember these tips:
1) Take time to show yourself love and appreciation on Valentine’s Day and every day. Self-love is truly the root of all love and finding a romantic partner without having self-love is not the best approach.
2) Try experimenting with leaving special “love notes” on post-it notes (they even sell heart shaped ones at this time of year) everywhere you go on Valentine’s Day and just in general. Write positive messages for those who will come across them and leave them on bathroom mirrors, on shelves in a grocery store, wherever you can think.
3) Remember that although society tries to make you believe that being in a relationship is what gives your life meaning and value, this is not true. Your life is valuable and worthy just because of who you are… not who you are with!
I hope you’ve found some insight and comfort in this post. There is truly nothing wrong with you if you are single!
If you feel like you could still use some support in shifting your feelings around being single (and possibly preparing your heart for true love), check out my FREE “Unlock My Love Mojo Strategy Session” call!
Last week felt like an emotional one for me… It started out on Tuesday when my fiance’s decision to go out after work without clearly communicating with me left me feeling upset and triggered…
I am the kind of person who likes to know what the plan is… If he wanted to have 3 hours to himself that was fine but I just wanted to be clear that I was going to be spending the evening by myself so that I could then decide what I wanted to do on my own. The added fuel to my frustration was I told him I wasn’t feeling well, I told him that, and yet I felt he decided to stay out and have fun on his own. As I waited, I felt that his lack of clear communication about what time he planned to be home gave rise to feelings that I was unimportant.
As 1 hour turned into 2, which turned into 3, I found myself on an emotional rollercoaster ride and I kept thinking “He doesn’t care about me or how I am feeling.”
It wasn’t until a few days later after doing some journaling and healing work that I processed what this particular experience with my partner was showing me about myself.
What I came to realize is that there are times when I feel unimportant to myself… where I disregard my own thoughts, feelings, and needs to focus on someone else. My experience with my partner triggering me offered me the chance to reflect on how I do this to myself and ways that I would like to change that pattern so that I honor myself and my own needs.
For many women, it can be common to put other’s needs before our own. We say “yes” to helping others, doing things them, even when we don’t really want to or don’t have the time or energy to do so. I was able to see for myself ways that I do this and then leave myself feeling empty, frustrated, or tired.
The experience of being triggered let me see myself and my own needs more clearly (as well as teaching me more about how to communicate with my partner) so that I make sure that I am honoring myself and my needs.
What lessons have you learned through your relationships? Share them in the comments below!
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BodyTalk restores communication between various different parts of the body, communication which is often disrupted by the stresses of life.
By helping all parts of the body to communicate with each other more efficiently, overall health and well-being is improved.
I have personally experienced some significant shifts in my physical, emotional, and spiritual self since beginning to receive BodyTalk sessions in February 2013.
Today I’d like to share with you the basic technique that anyone can use on his or her own to begin to bring BodyTalk into your world! The technique is called tapping cortices and it is a way for you to balance the right and left hemispheres of your brain, improve brain function, release stress, anxiety, and pain and so much more. I’ve created a video for you to see exactly how this simple technique is done.
Give the technique a try and see if you notice that you feel more mental focus after doing it. Maybe you feel calmer and less stressed out. Maybe whatever was bothering you (psychologically or emotionally) feels less bothersome. Keep trying the technique at least once a day for several days and notice what happens.
So What Is BodyTalk Anyways?
BodyTalk is a consciousness based health care system that differs from the Western medical model and from many forms of energy medicine because of its focus on the importance of how ALL parts of our bodymind work together as a whole.
In the Western medical model (based on Cartesian thinking), there is a focus on the various “parts” of the system. So if something is not working properly in your body, a doctor or other practitioner will look for which part is the problem and treat that part with medication, surgery, or replacing it with an alternative part.
BodyTalk is instead based on the idea that the body is not a collection of independent parts but is instead multiple systems that interact with each other and are dependent on each other for their own functioning. This means that every single atom, cell, organ, and system in the body needs to be in constant communication with all the other atoms, cells, organs, and systems in the bodymind complex at all times. Often, stress disrupts this communication in our bodies (think about the idea of stress blowing fuses in the body as an analogy here) and BodyTalk helps to re-establish better communication (and therefore “reset the fuses”). In addition, BodyTalk takes into account the impact of things like the external environment and the patient’s relationship with family and friends on health and well-being.
How Does BodyTalk Improve Health?
Would you like to connect on a deeper level and have more harmony in your relationships?
Many times when we are being triggered by people in our lives, it is because there is some aspect of mirroring going on. We are actually saying we don’t like something about a friend, family member, or partner that is a deeper reflection of something in ourselves that we don’t like. When we address these types of struggles and challenges in a BodyTalk session, we find deeper harmony for that aspect of ourselves that we are actually responding to in someone else and so then we find that their triggering of us disappears.
I have frequently had clients come in and describe a challenge or struggle that they are having with a family member, partner/spouse, or friend and the irritation and frustration that that situation is creating for them. Through a session with me, we can address and resolve the irritation and frustration and bring more harmony to the situation.
A client of mine recently shared with me that the advice she received from her therapist significantly colored her thoughts about a guy that she had just started dating. After her therapist cautioned her to be careful with this guy because men in his profession typically were liars and cheaters, her thoughts about and her behavior towards this new relationship were colored by this filter… ultimately resulting in a premature end to this budding relationship.
While in all honesty the caution/advice she received was probably meant to help her, it also put certain thoughts about the situation into her head. It is actually at her request that I’m writing this post today.
This general tendency to not trust yourself and your own ability to truly know what you need, who you should associate with, and how you should live your life can be at the root of a lot of stress. We have much untapped wisdom within ourselves, we just live in a “noisy” society where we receive lots of external input and forget to listen to the inner wisdom.
How many times have we been told by someone in our lives to “Be careful with people who are X” or that “Y is a sure sign that a person/situation is no good”?
While often these cautions are meant from a place of caring and trying to protect the other person, they also create blinders and filters in our minds and to some degree make us less likely to trust our own knowledge, wisdom, and inner knowing, which I don’t see as truly empowering to us. While other people may have their own wisdom, knowledge, and experience, telling other people how to live their lives and make choices based on that is often not helpful.
So how can you work with trusting your own intuition and inner knowing instead? I’d like to share 3 simple strategies for cultivating your connection to your own inner wisdom.
Earlier this year, I wrote a post sharing how BodyTalk and working through old “stuff” was instrumental in me finally finding love. Today, I’m excited to write an update to that post!
It was with great joy that my love and I announced our engagement to our families this past weekend!
After having dreamed of finding deep and meaningful love for years, longing to find a partner that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and yet stressing out and fearing that it would never happen, it finally has and I am so filled with joy and happiness!
If you read my last post, you will remember that I was single for many, many years and had also spent a lot of time and energy dating without much success. The process was stressful, frustrating, and exhausting…
When BodyTalk entered my life last year, I began to consider that it could be a tremendous help to my journey to love after hearing so many successful stories of how other women were finding their loves after working with the practitioner I was receiving sessions from. I felt that I really had nothing to lose by giving it at try and for me, it worked very quickly and effectively to prepare me for love.
After meeting my guy in March of this year, I have continued to receive BodyTalk sessions to help support me in moving more and more deeply and fully into this relationship and our connection. When stress about our future and moving in together at the end of the summer surfaced, I had sessions to help me process and release what was at the root of the stress. When discussions of marriage triggered fears, again, I received more sessions to help support me. I’ve even been getting sessions to help my cat adjust to my fiance living with us… as she has had some behavioral challenges that have caused all 3 of us stress!
BodyTalk has truly helped make the transition from being single for many years to living with my now fiance a lot smoother and more relaxed than I believed it could be.
Because BodyTalk has been so powerful in my journey to love, I have become very passionate about helping other women use BodyTalk as a resource to making their love lives less stressful and more fulfilling, loving, and rewarding! I’ve created several new offerings focused on just this topic!
I’ve started offering monthly “Fizzle to Sizzle” group sessions to support women who are either currently in relationship and are feeling like they could use some support or fine tuning or those who are dating and are experiencing stress and frustration with that process.
In addition, I’m also now offering Relationship Dynamic Balancing Sessions for those currently in partnership that could use some support and Romance Matrix Sessions for ladies looking to bring more romance into their lives….
I look forward to supporting my fellow love goddesses on their journeys!
Let me start out this post with a confession… writing this post feels vulnerable. A year ago, I would have NEVER written a post like this and shared it on my website.
It is only through the deep healing work and growth that I have experienced through BodyTalk that you are now seeing this post! Also, gratitude goes to Brene Brown for her powerful books on vulnerability that have helped inspire me to be more vulnerable!
I have been single for quite a few years… not because I haven’t wanted a relationship but for many reasons… Owning my own business takes a lot of energy and attention. I’m also an introvert and so going out and finding someone at times can be challenging. At times, I have also been focused on my own healing process and not on finding a partner to share my life with.
Last year, as BodyTalk entered my life, I also began to focus more on finding a romantic partner. I have gone to speed dating events, posted my profile on dating sites, and even connected with some matchmakers in town. While I went on dates last year, nothing really significant seemed to be happening.
This January I started a 4 week healing series for women with one of my favorite BodyTalk practitioners. I began to realize how there were many unhealed layers around love and relationship that were blocking me from finding someone to share my life with. I would immediately begin to close down in certain situations and, energetically, I believe the guy I was going on a date with could feel that shutting down. Through this healing series, I began to shed many old layers and beliefs about love, relationship, fears of being hurt, and began to become more comfortable in my own skin. I am more comfortable in my body and with who I am. I am also more connected to my feminine core self.