Relationships Are Mirrors for Us

Last week felt like an emotional one for me… It started out on Tuesday when my fiance’s decision to go out after work without clearly communicating with me left me feeling upset and triggered…

I am the kind of person who likes to know what the plan is… If he wanted to have 3 hours to himself that was fine but I just wanted to be clear that I was going to be spending the evening by myself so that I could then decide what I wanted to do on my own. The added fuel to my frustration was I told him I wasn’t feeling well, I told him that, and yet I felt he decided to stay out and have fun on his own. As I waited, I felt that his lack of clear communication about what time he planned to be home gave rise to feelings that I was unimportant.

As 1 hour turned into 2, which turned into 3, I found myself on an emotional rollercoaster ride and I kept thinking “He doesn’t care about me or how I am feeling.”

It wasn’t until a few days later after doing some journaling and healing work that I processed what this particular experience with my partner was showing me about myself.

courtesy freedigitalphotos.net

What I came to realize is that there are times when I feel unimportant to myself… where I disregard my own thoughts, feelings, and needs to focus on someone else. My experience with my partner triggering me offered me the chance to reflect on how I do this to myself and ways that I would like to change that pattern so that I honor myself and my own needs.

For many women, it can be common to put other’s needs before our own. We say “yes” to helping others, doing things them, even when we don’t really want to or don’t have the time or energy to do so. I was able to see for myself ways that I do this and then leave myself feeling empty, frustrated, or tired.

The experience of being triggered let me see myself and my own needs more clearly (as well as teaching me more about how to communicate with my partner) so that I make sure that I am honoring myself and my needs.

What lessons have you learned through your relationships? Share them in the comments below!

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